Leading with Humility
- Kendra Clark
- Oct 23, 2016
- 4 min read
Parenting 101
Leading with Humility
As a parent, I am a big believer of consistency, ritual and tradition. As a matter of fact, each week I had a meeting with the kids to discuss the upcoming weeks events along with the expectations of my and their responsibilities.
Each child's conversation was unique.
Opposite genders, completely different personalities and varied ages. I cherished my alone time with each kiddo and remember how nice it was to have open discussion about their world and how they interpreted it. My favorite part was the end when I asked the most (IMHO) valuable question:
"What can I do to be a better mother?"
At first they were short on words, Uhhhhh, you're a great mom, and uhhh change nothing" (enter awkward pause). I would wait, telling them to think of something, amything I could do to improve on my role as their mother. Once the response was my cooking.... I agreed.
As the years went by they knew exactly what to say (and say they did). One child respectfully shared that when she came home from school, she wished I was not not the phone.
Thank you.
Done.
Changed.
I appreciated our candid discussions on how each of us could improve in our accountabilities and relationships with each other.
Being teachable as a mother was, and still is a valuable mindset.
In fact remaining teachable in all areas of my life allows me to humbly accept the things I cannot change, the ability to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.... sound familiar?
In order to be an effective leader for my family I need to understand their reality and their perspective.
How better to understand another's perspective?
Simply ask.
This is true for corporate leaders. Today, many of the world's most respected chief executives are setting a positive example by opening up, striving continually to develop themselves as leaders.
In fact, organizations that do the best job of developing leaders tend to have CEOs like Steve Sanger who are directly and actively involved in leadership development.
This has certainly been my experience.
This has also been confirmed by a recently completed research project led by Marc Effron at Hewitt Associates, one of the largest HR consulting firms. Hewitt and Chief Executive magazine put General Mills on their latest list of the top-20 companies for leaders, among such familiar names as IBM and General Electric.
No question, one of the best ways top executives can get their leaders to improve is to work on improving themselves.
Michael Dell, whose company made the Hewitt list, is a perfect example. As one of the most successful leaders in business history, he could easily have an attitude that says, "I am Michael Dell and you aren't! I don't really need to work on developing myself." Michael, however, has the opposite approach. He has done an amazing job of sincerely discussing his personal challenges with leaders across the company. He is a living case study from whom everyone at Dell is learning. His leadership example makes it hard for any leader to act arrogant or to communicate that he or she has nothing to improve upon.
The principle of leadership development by personal example doesn't apply just to CEOs. It applies to all levels of management.
All good leaders want their people to grow and develop on the job.
Leaders are those who “figure it out”, who “get it” when faced with the new and different. Mothers have to be both fast on their feet and make sure they are modeling the behaviors they wish their future generations to adopt. For mothers, new challenges and ambiguity are the norm, rather than the exception.
We aim for not only day-to-day results, but also long-term success.
For mothers, as for effective leaders, agility is a critical requirement. While short-term and long-term planning are key to daily success, anticipating and effectively dealing with change is an invaluable competency to be mastered. Throughout parenthood, people agility is a must-have, make-or-break skill.
By people agility I mean possessing strong self-awareness, emotional intelligence, flexibility, conflict management, listening, and communications skills. It also means being acutely aware of how others process and respond to our own actions and behaviors. So, any gaps in our people agility capabilities will be quickly, and mercilessly, pointed-out by our own children.
There is no “do what I say, don’t do what I do” if we take development into adulthood seriously.
At the same time, being aware and recognizing our strengths, weaknesses, and self-doubts as mothers enables us to decide which decisions are non-negotiable versus the ones we will accept and sometimes encourage debate.
Awareness of each one of our children’s personalities, abilities, and feelings will help us to choose how to relate, support, and nurture each of them. And then there is “the village”. The same way agile leaders make sure to surround themselves with people who complement their gaps, agile mothers create networks where they provide, as well as receive, support, wisdom or, many times, just words of encouragement (Everything Mother.... yeah!).
At the end of the day, the most important mission for mothers is to nurture, develop, and inspire our children.
For women, motherhood is one of the most important leadership experiences where our ability to “figure it out” is constantly tested.
That's why one of the most brilliant quotes on Motherhood is simply:
Motherhood is NOT for WIMPS.
